I just said this to my friend dan: I’m funny to watch though. I’m like a caged animal at the zoo. And you know how popular zoos are, that’s why i’m such a riot to be around. People like things in captivity.

How true is this? Seriously, those damn zoos make how much a year?? They get grants and donations! People invest in these places; have stock and everything. And look at the crowds that swarm it! I don’t get it. It’s hot at the zoo (no air conditioning or anything), it’s smelly (animals aren’t big on perfumed lotions), and you leave smelly like an animal yourself. You pay people so you can smell like an animal. And it’s not like the animals do much; not like the circus. They don’t juggle, balance things on their noses, walk through fire or on a tightrope, they’re not wearing cool outfits or carrying neat trapeze people. They just sit there and sleep and eat and poop. Totally not cool!

But since all of this is true, why am I not more popular??? I act like a caged animal all the time. I’m insane! Nuts, clinically! I should have people flocking to me. What??? I need to paint zebra stripes on me?? Do I need to pick bugs out of your hair for you to think I’m fun to watch? Should I scratch my bare ass in public? Oh, you have standards for who you’ll watch trapped in a cage??? Fine, I don’t want you to watch me pee anyways!